Jamz: Fashion victims chew they charcoal teeth!

Growing up, our neighbor, a toe headed goon with an affinity for the word "lucker", was a total culture leech: When my brothers and I got into a cartoon series, this wiener would would go get all of the action figures, shirts, and posters associated with it. On the off chance my brothers or I got a hologram or clear card in our packs of Marvel trading cards, he'd dispatch his mother to go out and buy him the complete set from the comic store.

And it went on like this, to the point that my brothers and I would go out of our way to try and convince him we were into lame properties if only so we could catch him and call him out on his bullshit.

"Oh man, you know what's really awesome? Stone Protectors."

Through middle school, our houses drifted apart, and I couldn't tell you what the hell this kid is up to today. I like to think that the final straw was New Year's Eve 1995, when, after a day at the mall, my family went over to his place to watch the ball drop in Times Square. I'd secured that slick Vulture figure from the 1994 Spider Man animated series- the one with the retractable wings- that day at Kay Bee toys, and my older brother, who had bought the Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness upon it's release earlier that fall, picked up the iconic Billy Corgan "Zero" shirt, the one with the star.

A new action figure and a band shirt. Getting to stay up late. No school. These are the nights of our lives.

Arriving at our neighbor's place with Mom and Dad, older brother Tim and kid brother Tom, neighbor jerk was all too eager to show us a purchase he'd made with his Christmas money: a copy of Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

I think I saw flames in Tim's eyes.

That night, we sat on his floor listening to the album's first disk, Dawn to Dusk. I played with my Vulture figure, my brother seethed, and neighbor kid observed and tried to seeth by imitation, mistaking Tim's genuine frustration with an attitude projected upon him by the magic of mid-90's alt rock.

Somewhere around "Zero", that album side's halfway point, Tim and I excused ourselves downstairs to get soda. In the kitchen, we shared an exchange of "I can't believe he did it again! This guy is the worst!"

And that's when this kid came downstairs to see where we'd gone, and to confess that oh yeah, he'd accidentally broken one of Vulture's retractable wings.

It was only 10pm or so, and while our house was only next door, it might as well have been another fucking continent.

Ups to Schmolli.

DJ Schmolli "Genesis Zero" (Smashing Pumpkins vs. Justice)