Six Reasons It's Okay to be Turned On by the Skrull Ladies of Marvel's Secret Invasion:
6. They're good at keeping secrets.
5. Skrull chins are probably great for massages.
4. Would indulge my Annihilus fantasy, call me "Harvester of Sorrow" in bed.
3. Would indulge my Galactus fantasy, call me "Devourer of Worlds" in bed.
2. Would indulge my Rom Spaceknight fantasy, call me "Banisher of the Dire Wraiths" in bed.
1. Ooh! Green!
New Audio Bullys! "Gimme That Punk"!
Simon Franks and Tom Dinsdale are back, a full three years after Generation hit the states- and maybe it's the Monty Python fan in me, but growing up in the UK with the name "Dinsdale" must have been excruciating.
"Gimme That Punk", off this fall's Sunday Night Fever is a lovingly trashy overture to the weed and chip grease nightlife Audio Bullys have championed for some five years now, filthy enough to make even the most uptight dancefloor patrons holler "No, Mom! I'm not coming in for my fucking tea!" Immature? Maybe. But Simon and Tommy have always been masters at allowing us stodgy sellouts the opportunity to return to the gutter glamour of youth- if only in our headphones.
"Gimme That Punk" will be released June 23rd on the boys' own Vizo Records, Sunday Night Fever is out in September. This one goes out to Spiny Norman.
Audio Bullys "Gimme That Punk"
Whoa! New leaked Dark Knight Trailer!
Harvey Dent's line "...or live to see yourself become the villain" gives me fucking goosebumps. Enjoy it while it lasts. UPDATED: Well, that was a fun few hours.
New Dunproofin! Patton Gets Primal!
am.fm.pm fave Dunproofin has followed up that disco blitz Alphabeat/Futureheads mash with a way rad trip to the early 90's this week: Mike Patton's chest thumping bro rhyme sneer meets Primal Scream's 1990 Screamadelica single to create a battle cry for snotty attitude in "Loaded Epic", below. In other news, I totally forgot how bad "Loaded" sounds like "Freedom '90" by George Michael. Except for the The Wild Angels sample. And the ability to tolerate it eighteen years later.
Dunproofin "Loaded Epic" (Faith No More vs. Primal Scream)
Tails You Lose No. 12
Sup! Monday! TYL! It's like PYT! I got a Harold Team callback! Yeah!
This past Thursday, a federal judge sentenced actor Wesley Snipes to three years in prison after being convicted of tax evasion
The Bush administration is looking to enlist the country’s 80 million recreational boaters to help reduce the chances that a small boat could deliver a nuclear or radiological bomb along the country’s 95,000 miles of coastline and inland waterways. Because when I think "upstanding and law abiding", I think "dudes that hang out on boats".
Scientists at the University of Glasgow have created a nanotechnology breakthrough that could increase storage capacity by 150,000 times, potentially creating a 500,000 GB mp3 player. Which will finally give me space enough for my complete catalogs of The Beatles, beatles, and teh baetles.
Driver Danica Patrick became the first woman to win a major auto race by capturing the IndyCar Series' event at the Twin Ring Motegi circuit in Japan. Rival Speed Racer was quoted as saying "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
A German survey found that the more educated a woman was, the less likely it was that she would be satisfied by sex. 62 per cent of women who had completed their education said they often had problems achieving orgasm, with only 38 per cent of women bearing lower educational qualifications claiming they had such problems. Great. So now I not only have to worry if a girl is faking her climax, but that she might also be retarded.
Austrian officials have announced that a man has confessed to imprisoning his daughter for 24 years in windowless cell with a soundproofed door and fathering seven children with her. Thankfully, a woodsman arrived just in time to slice his stomach open and rescue both her and Grandma.
Morrissey has announced a concert appearance in Tel Aviv, Israel, his first show in the politically stormy nation. As a recent study shows that Israelis just don't have enough to be depressed about.
Chanel's Karl Lagerfeld is rumored to be lobbying 15 year old Francis Bean Cobain, daughter of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, to be the face of an upcoming European campaign for the fashion powerhouse. Francis is reportedly thrilled about the prospect, claiming she's "Bewildered and flattered". Courtney too is thrilled, stating "Hey! Free smack!"
I know this story like the back of my hand.
Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Wait. Wrong story.
So, I'm sorry I haven't written anything all week. I'm tired. I'm in a creative gutter. I'm in the throes of a huge existential headache. And I can't be clever right now. To compensate, here's a one-off super bonus re-up of a former feature, the am.fm.pm mixtape. New comics this weekend. New TYL on Monday. Godspeed.
Joe Esposito "You're the Best"
Lenlow "Eye of the Robot" (Survivor vs. Daft Punk)
The Pointer Sisters "Dare Me (Extended Mix)"
Steve Winwood "Valerie"
Anita Baker "Sweet Love"
50 Cent feat. The Game "Hate It Or Love It"
Christopher Cross "Ride Like the Wind"
M.I.A. "Paper Planes (DJ B. Cause vs. Annie Lennox Party Break)"
MF Doom "Hoe Cakes"
The Bloodhound Gang "Lift Your Head Up High"
Daft Punk "The Prime Time of Your Life"
Boy Meets Girl "Waiting For A Star to Fall"
Nerd Jamz! The Spice Must Flow!
In honor of this weekend's New York Comic Con, I'm gonna break with self imposed tradition and post a full album, justified by the fact that it is both A): out of print, and B): an essential spin for any beat conscious fantasy dweeb.
Composer and keyboardist David Matthews released the ridiculously cool Dune, his soul tribute to science fiction in 1977 under CTI records, a label which went bankrupt all of one year later. Tracks like "Arrakis" and the standout "Sandworms" showcase the man's Herbert love, and the now unfortunately named Matthews calls on collaborators like sax player Grover Washington, and both Andy Newmark and Steve Gadd on drums to do lazer funk battle with sci-fi heroes David Bowie and John Williams! Matthew's nerd cred is upped ten fold by MF Doom's (ne Daniel Dumile) sampling his soul cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity" to build the slick hook for MM... Food's "Rapp Snitch Knishes":
David Matthews "Space Oddity"
MF Doom feat. Mr. Fantastic "Rapp Snitch Knishes"
Below, D/L DM's infinitely- fonkier- than- Meco's- disco- edit Star Wars theme, and the full length interstellar love song that is Dune! It appears I've redorkulated.
David Matthews "Star Wars"
David Matthews - Dune (1977) .zip
Five Things You Are Saying About Yourself When You Wear Clothing with the Red Bull Logo On It.
5. I have misplaced my embossed yellow pleather M&Ms racing jacket.
4. I am banned in much of the Netherlands.
3. I am available in three doses. Too much, much too much, and barf too much.
2. My dubious Thai origins were gussied up by the Austrians.
1. I'll bet you think I work for Red Bull. But I am just an ass.
New Jamz! MGMT by Immuzikation !
Save Bubba Sparxxx and Danger Mouse, it seems that the only genre not to explode out of Athens, GA in the last 20 years is dance music. (No, The B-52's don't count.) That's not to say that Sparxxx' drawly take on rock/rap and Danger's soul revivalism aren't hugely creative and impressive in their own ways, but they hardly constitute an identifiable scene- at least to coastal outsiders.
Out of the Georgia hip hop underground comes Immuzikation- Athens-Clarke County's answer to Diplo- with a fistful of MGMT-heavy mashterpieces. A member of the Collective Efforts crew, Immuz' was good enough to send me along some of his latest tracks and nu-classics this week, and as Brooklyn's Ben and Andrew continue to nose out stateside success, these are the sort of smart cuts that should do for them what 2 Many DJs did for The Strokes way back when.
New York Bootie aficionados can hit up A Plus D and DJ Lobsterdust doing Bootie NYC this Friday @ The Vault, but everybody else can dance they monkey ass off right here. It's time to pretend.
Immuzikation "All My Children" (LCD Soundsystem vs. MGMT)
Immuzikation "Jeumie" (Yelle vs. Weezer)
Immuzikation "O.M.T.T.P." (MGMT vs. Daft Punk vs. The Doors)
Immuzikation "Short Pieces" (Wax Stag vs. MGMT)
Immuzikation "Just Another Call With You" (Soulwax/MGMT/Prince/Chromeo/Afrika Bambaataa/Stardust)
New Old Jamz! Nobody beats the Wiz!
Like other rave/hip-hop classics before it (think Outkast's "B.O.B."), Pittsburgh rapper Wiz Khalifa's Alice Deejay sampling "Say Yeah" is super rad precisely because of how well it turns everything working against it back around into a perfect track that makes ravers and MC's alike wonder why the hell it hasn't been done before.
When you think about it, there's more in common with the respective cultures than anybody from either camp is probably willing to admit. Both have fanatic niche sects within them- like hyphy kids and jungle kids. Both adopt fashions that are at times downright cartoonish- like grillz and ski goggles. Both have elder statesmen that nobody listens to- like Russell Simmons and Moby. And that's to say nothing of how much both lurrrve cough syrup. This song rules.
Wiz Khalifa "Say Yeah"
am.fm.pm Gets Press.
Let's get shameless! Today, fellow L.I.C. blogger Sheena Beaston has posted an interview with yours truly. It can read here. Books: Check 'em out!
M83 should have their own Vh1 list show.
As the press release for Saturdays = Youth goes out of it's way to cite Tears For Fears and Cocteau Twins as inspiration, France's M83 have, in a way, built their discography as the soundtracks to a series of never- made Michael Mann and Sophia Coppola films. Galactic and delicate like a semi-formal slow dance, Anthony Gonzales' romance with 80's cinema is apparent as ever with his John Hughes as hell clip for the album's second single, "Graveyard Girl", available @ P4K.Tv.
What M83 may lack in subtlety is more than made up for with their preciousness, and I don't say that as a bad thing. Through teenage anecdote, Gonzales and company bluntly illustrate that age only compounds adolescent wistfulness instead of erasing it, and that over time, our same desires seem all so much sadder.
M83's Saturdays = Youth is out tomorrow on Mute Records.
M83 "Graveyard Girl" (off Saturdays = Youth)
M83 "Kim and Jessie" (off Saturdays = Youth)
M83 "Teen Angst" (off Before the Dawn Heals Us)
Tails You Lose No. 11
Yeah kid! S'Monday! S'Tails You Lose! So: living in Queens, the Pope visiting Yankee Stadium this week, cheating on my crazy wife with a woman named Bunny... where do I know this story?
This week, President Bush plans to meet Pope Benedict XVI's plane at a suburban military base, bring a giant audience to the South Lawn, and host a fancy East Room dinner for the pontiff. All this to be followed up by a rousing game of Episcopal mitre keep away.
Former rapper and reality TV star Vanilla Ice has been arrested for domestic battery in Miami, FL. Prosecutors describe the defendant as deadly when he play a dope melody; anything less than the best is a felony.
Hillary Clinton said Sunday that a query about the last time she fired a gun or attended church services "is not a relevant question in this debate”. Which is just the latest in a series of clues that Hillary Clinton is, in fact, a Boondock Saint.
The Australian Federal Court has dismissed a lawsuit by Cadbury Schweppes claiming that the use of the color purple in ads by confection competitor Darrell Lea amounted to misleading and deceptive conduct. Lea attributes the win to heartbreaking testimony by Celie, Sophia, and the Grimace.
Outkast's Antwan "Big Boi" Patton and the Atlanta Ballet premier "big" this week, touted as the first commissioned hip hop ballet. After the premier, all involved are expected buck the odds, confront their parents about not supporting their love, and get into Juilliard.
An independent production company hired by Wal Mart to produce corporate meeting videos featuring executives in drag and harsh anti-union talk are selling the tapes now that their contract has been terminated by the retail giant. Employees were initially outraged, until the discovery that those pumps that Rick in accounts payables wore are only $6.34.
It has been announced that Earth's first animal was not the sponge, as previously thought, but complex ocean-drifting comb jelly. Said Larry King, "You want a top notch hair care product, then lend an ear, gang: Complex Ocean-Drifting Comb Jelly".
After being shelved for 3 years, the Al Pacino thriller 88 Minutes finally reaches U.S. theatres this week. And is somehow a full 53 minutes worse than 15 Minutes.
Exclusive Jamz! Sara Bareilles is Street as Hell!
I tried. I can honestly say I tried. But dozens of commercials and millions of radio plays later, I have a confession. A super embarrassing, tough to rationalize secret. Here goes:
I like that Sara Bareilles song. A lot.
And not a deep cut either. I like the single. "Love Song". From the Rhapsody commercial. And from the Return of Jezebel James commercials. And from the Made of Honor commercials. And from the girl who sits behind me at the office's computer every thirty minutes or so. I am completely, profoundly ashamed.
Today, am.fm.pm justifies it's "Love Song" love with two hip hop remixes of 2008's most inescapable song- (nice try Chris Brown, but "With You" is just Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" with different lyrics) available for exclusive mp3 download right here. We'll serve the most straight forward of the tracks up first: Downey, CA's The Natural spits a very Rhymesayers-ey verse over a faithful Bareilles sample, eventually breaking down into the original track. To the point and totes effective, I should hope this is getting some SoCal radio coverage. It's the sort of "Awww" rap that signals big Top 40 crossover potential for The Natural, and with the boppy little gem below as a jump off, I can get behind that in a big way.
Sara Bareilles "Love Song (The Natural's Rap Remix)"
Next up: the 'pella may be a touch less original, but Minneapolis hip hopper Big Jess has twisted Bareilles' pretty, city girl piano clomps into a sulky beat I'd have thought impossible were I not hearing it myself. Now, I've got as big a soft spot for Notorious B.I.G.'s "Juicy" as anybody, but at this stage of basement remix/mashup culture, it's gonna take some Girl Talk level business to really make me fall in love with it again. It's a huge testament to Jess' skills that even with an inconsequential rhyme, the track is hot as hell- and best of all, you can still feel tough listening to it with your girlfriend!
Sara Bareilles "Love Song (Notorious B.I.G./Big Jess Beat Remix)"
Aaand I feel no less a loser. Crap.
am.fm.pm is broken.
So, my mp3 hosting service, Boxstr, is offline at the moment. All 'yall headbangers can still hear am.fm.pm radio @ the Hype Machine by clicking the link in the upper right hand corner, though downloads are unavailable for the time being. Having said that, it's gorgeous outside in New York City, and you shouldn't be sitting around on your computer anyways.
UPDATESIES: All better!
New Jamz! Xam makes "4 Minutes" way better!
For starters, a comparison: Let's all listen to Timbaland's latest cranker, the new Madonna single featuring Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes".
Madonna Feat. Justin Timberlake "4 Minutes" (@ PopSugar)
Okay. Now, let's all listen to the theme song to Nickelodeon's 1992 series, GUTS.
Nickelodeon GUTS Theme Song (@YouTube)
Thank you. This has been part one of "am.fm.pm is Falling Way Out of Love With Timbaland". Luckily, Breda, Netherlands masher Xam has refreshed a track that was stale at second spin simply by sprinkling Fatboy Slim's Camille Yarbrough sampling "Praise You" throughout. The chorus is kept in check, but by trading out the brash MIDI brass of the original for Norman Cook's cool (if oversaturated) piano slouch, Xam easily achieves the summer jam that Timb and Madge are just trying too hard for.
(And my apologies for failing to warn you that you "mite have to louder your speakers on your computer.")
Xam "Praise 4 Minutes" (Madonna & Justin Timberlake vs. Fatboy Slim)
am.fm.pm Exclusive! GHP gets Physical!
am.fm.pm favorite Mark Vidler's Go Home Productions is primed to drop Kamikaze Runway this summer, his first formal album of original material under the GHP banner after the poorly sold (but no less mint) EMI-licensed Mashed LP of early 2007. Come on though, you didn't think you could take the mix out of the man, did you? To promote the disk, Mark has released the video for "Physical Graffiti", grinding Olivia Newton John's camp jam into Vidler original "Slingshot The Rubberneck" for an aggressive banger that's more blackout than workout.
Though available only as a video for the time being, I've taken the liberty of ripping the single for all 'yall that hit the gym on your lunch break. Sure, the clip's got nothing on Eric Prydz' "Call on Me", but hey- some of us are still fat from Christmas.
Go Home Productions vs. Olivia Newton John "Physical Graffiti (Bootleg Video Edit)"
am.fm.pm Comic Quickies!
Whadup gang! Monday super bonus! Three, count 'em, three one panel am.fm.pm comic quickies! Laffs! Thrills! Complexities!
Tails You Lose No. 10
Backstreet's back, alright? It's Monday! It's Tails You Lose! Anybody else camping our for tickets to Space Chimps?
Legendary actor Charlton Heston has died this weekend at the age of 84. With a family spokesperson unwilling to discuss the cause of death, it's pretty safe to assume Heston was shot to death.
A Second Life group titled "Naughty Auties" is being lauded for providing social interaction skill training for players with Autism and Asperger's syndrome. In other news, apparently there are actual Second Life players without Autism and Asperger's Syndrome.
England and Wales formally outlaw the selling, making, hiring or importing of samurai swords. And just how the hell do you suggest MacLeod cope with The Quickening?
A business reporter for the Sacramento Bee is facing child pornography charges after videotaping a performance at a youth cheerleading competition. Said the reporter, "I was totally only going to jerk off to that big squirrel mascot."
Fortune Magazine reports that in response to the impending financial crisis, the upper class have scaled back on luxuries such as steak, hotels, golf, yachts, and attending Pilates. Meanwhile, in response to an impending legal crisis, I have scaled back my own violent beatings of the wealthy.
Florida lawmakers propose massive overhaul in state's sex education program after it is revealed that many teens believe that drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV, and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy. Which is just ridiculous. As any Florida teen knows, the only sure way to terminate a pregnancy is to have your meth dealing, Waffle House cook boyfriend push you down the stairs.
In an appearance on the Charlie Rose show, media mogul Ted Turner's global warming predictions warned that "Most of the people will have died, and the rest of us will be cannibals." A good natured Turner then went on to make light of "all those silly years wasted using the Necronomicon".
A Malaysian woman has sued her husband for 3 million ringgit (882,000 dollars) for the loss of her virginity after she claimed that he failed to fulfill his promises of a good marriage. Experts predict the case will be dismissed though, as in Malaysia, willful loss of virginity is a good marriage.
Minnesota investigators claim that malt liquor consumption is likely a contributing factor in many of the city's homicides. But this would be to overlook imposing socio-economic factors, inequities in the public education system, and that bitches be trifling.
Yo! Pilchard & FM24 get Ridiculous 60's!
Following up his Tony Crackburn debut, the why- the- hell- isn't- it- summer- yet lounge track "Young Ipanema", Pilchard's retro imprint keeps coming strong with "Mad Puffin". The Go! Team's Ninja and guest Lisa Lee go swinger-chic with Brigitte Bardot, arguably the most intimidatingly hot/talented pop sensation of the 1960's. Poppy and totally stoned, it's certainly earned it's spot on this springs' first yard party playlist- but dig this! It's not even the best fresh 60's track of the week!
That honor goes to newcomer FM24, who's genius nod to the Northern Soul movement gets peppered with a some baile funk for the the most raucous UK/Brazil clash since the Naval Revolt of 1893. Bonde do Role meets Connie Clark in "Solta O Frango, My Sugar Baby", below.
If I were Weird Al, my "Umbrella" parody would totally be called "Barbarella".
The Tony Crackburn Orchestra "Mad Puffin" (Brigitte Bardot vs. The Go! Team)
FM24 "Solta O Frango, My Sugar Baby" (Bonde do Role vs. Connie Clark)
New Jamz! Paul V & TeeRev get ser Sexy!
The thing that's so dope about Sao Paulo's Cansei de Ser Sexy, besides being the only Latin American band on Sub Pop, and besides being named after a blasé Beyonce quote, and besides being super Web 2.0 savvy, and besides- (you get the point)- is how their infectious brand of Brazilian electro-rock defies the categorical confines that so came to suffocate predecessors like The Rapture. And, they mash up like, crazy good.
Below, SmashMix creator DJ Paul V touches Lovefoxxx and company down with Chromeo and Belgian New Beat pioneers A Split Second, and TeeRev pits '07 hipster make out jam "Let's Make Love and Listen To Death From Above" against the hopelessly lame KC & the Sunshine Band for a track that simply sweats charm. And hey! Bonus Jamz: Lobsterdust's binge-riffic nu-clazzic "I Wanna Be Your Alala"! You fucking love it!
DJ Paul V "La Fancy Bloody Fleshy" (CSS vs. Chromeo vs. A Split Second)
TeeRev "Let's Make Love The Way I Like It" (CSS vs. KC & the Sunshine Band)
DJ Lobsterdust "I Wanna Be Your Alala" (Iggy and the Stooges vs. CSS)
am.fm.pm is Missing!
He ain't dead, he just way too cool. My apologies for the post lapse these past few days- I've just begun a new job, the parameters of which don't allow as much computer fun time as my former position did. As it's now Wednesday, I'm gonna let Tails You Lose slide this week to resume next Monday, April 7th. This week on am.fm.pm, you can look forward to some super-1960's Bonde do Role and Go! Team mixes, a CSS mash mini mix, more am.fm.pm comics, and the coolest sneakers I've ever owned in my entire life.
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