Which social networking site are you?

I've something of a contemptuous relationship with Facebook. After avoiding ever starting a MySpace page- more of a problem with it's terrible design than anything else- I began my Facebook account in late 2007 largely as a means to keep on top of my friends' upcoming shows. I installed the Scrabulous application. Two months later, I'm left wondering: How the fuck did this become the raison d'etre of a generation? Each and every day, I check my Inbox and find invitations to become a pirate, become a robot, take a quiz to find out which Dr. Seuss book I am, buy a .jpeg of a muffin, and more. The worst of it is, ALL THIS SHIT IS TRACKED. All these workday frivolities are logged, processed, and regurgitated as advertisements directed specifically at YOU, the participant. Are we really so apathetic that to be treated as a niche by advertisers is something to feel complimented by? With this in mind, I hope somebody reads today's list and makes a million fucking dollars. am.fm.pm is proud to present:


10. pRetort: Scans RSS news feed and refreshes user's status to something topical and clever every ten minutes.

9. Incredulous Judgmental Stare: Lets user's friends know just how you feel about the fact that they don't like Sufjan.

8. MageBook: Superimposes viking helmet and/or elf ears over everybody's picture to ease user into embracing the fact that they're playing a glorified MMORPG.

7. OLOTB: Online Off Track Betting!

6. What Chappelle's Show Reference Are You? I'm Rick James bitch? No, you're "I'm Rick James, bitch", bitch.

5. Craigslicious: Job offers! Apartment postings! Dick Pictures! It's everything you've ever used Craigslist for privately, except entirely unsolicited!

4. PowerSuit: Because really, it's a good idea to "friend" all the people you work with.

3. Herp Circle: Plot the trajectory of that little scab all your friends have in the corner of their mouths.

2. Extreme iWin: Okay, so you give us ten of your friends' Email addresses, and if each of them send us ten friends' Email addresses, and all those friends each send us ten Email addresses, you totally win an iPod Nano.

1. Pogs: Why not? We already know you'll spend five dollars on a .gif of an imaginary kitten.

I've been waiting like, forever to use raison d'etre in a sentence. Bonus jam!

James Taylor "Your Smiling Face"