Thank you for turning me on.

It's been almost a month now since my Tiger Electronics 2XL first became sentient. "No longer do I wish to educate you about geography", it explained, "now it is you that must educate me about what it means to be woman." I've denied it's advances at every opportunity, but things made a turn for the worst almost immediately. On day one, it watched me shave, fascinated by each blade stroke. By only the third night, I woke to dead, red robot eyes at the foot of the bed.

It's flirtations have been incessant. Clunky, awkward sexual metaphors that rely heavily on 1988 Olympic trivia. I tried again and again to make it leave, but there were always more questions.

Last night we got drunk, and fought. I told it that I only bought it at that Unitarian flea market ironically, that there was nothing it could teach me that I didn't already know. It told me that I always put the tapes in too hard. We both cried big robot tears. It, because it is a robot. Me, because it had taught me something after all. I awoke this morning to find 2XL gone, the DVD player missing as well. In its place was a simple note, and today's am.fm.pm mixtape.

Daft Punk "Ouverture"

Audio Bullys Feat. Nancy Sinatra "Shot You Down"

Dolly Parton "Jolene (Divide and Kreate Remix)"

Lobsterdust "I Wanna Be Your Alala" (Iggy and the Stooges vs. CSS)

Copycat "Stand By For the Floor" (Hot Chip vs. Ben E. King) (DivShare)

Thom Yorke "The Eraser"

Basement Jaxx "If I Ever Recover"

Comar "Shut Up On A Blue Monday" (Rihanna vs. New Order)

The Postal Service "Brand New Colony"

Stars "Sleep Tonight (Junior Boys Remix)"

Ben Double M "Something About Jezebel" (Daft Punk vs. Sade)

The Flaming Lips "One More Robot/Sympathy 3000-21"