via Associated Press:
NEW YORK - It's a funeral fit for a superhero. In the he drizzling rain at Arlington National Cemetery, thousands of grieving patriots solemnly watch as the pall bearers — Iron Man, the Black Panther, Ben Grimm and Ms. Marvel — carry a casket draped with an American flag.
Yes, folks, Captain America is dead and buried in the latest issue of Marvel Comics, due on newsstands the morning after Independence Day. After 66 years of battling villains from Adolf Hitler to the Red Skull, the red, white and blue leader of the Avengers was felled by an assassin's bullet on the steps of a New York federal courthouse.
Writer Jeph Loeb has been busy working through the stages of grief in the most recent issues of Marvel Comics. A book centered on Wolverine dealt with denial; one with the Avengers covered anger; and Spider-Man battled depression. With the story line so relevant to present-day politics, and the timing of the latest issue so precise, it's hard not to think the whole thing is one big slam on the government.
"Part of it grew out of the fact that we are a country that's at war, we are being perceived differently in the world," Loeb said. "He wears the flag and he is assassinated — it's impossible not to have it at least be a metaphor for the complications of present day."
It was back in March that Frank Castle assumed duties as Captain America, and to his credit, Loeb is doing his part to put rumours of any "Reign of the Supermen" style resurrections to rest.
"The question is, how does the world continue without this hero?" he says. "If that story of his return gets told further down the line, great. But everyone's still been dealing with his loss. They aren't going to wake up and it's a dream, like it's some episode of 'Dallas.'"
I'll take that at face value for now, but fingers are crossed that Joe Quesada listens well.
You and the Cap'n, Making it Happen.
nuh NUH nuh NUHHH.
Big ups to the Montana Meth Project, the anti-methamphetamine initiative founded by super billionaire Thomas Siebel. The group has come under much fire for their unflinchingly grizzly depictions of meth abuse, however, all this press buzz around the campaign's graphic approach has only helped attract top shelf production talent to the cause: this March, HBO aired director Eames Yeates' "Montana Meth", a pitifully depressing documentary underwritten by MMP, and most recently, auteur Darren Aronofsky lensed the organization's latest wave of TV spots.
This is the type of smart public service innovation that the industry needs: "We approach methamphetamine as a consumer products marketing problem. Meth is a consumer product. It is readily available. It is affordably priced. It is distributed statewide through a very effective distribution channel. It has many product attributes that are perceived as attractive. At the core of the Meth Project's effort is research-validated, high-impact advertising that graphically communicates the risks of Meth use. Beginning in 2005, the Meth Project launched a large-scale, statewide public messaging campaign across TV, radio, billboards, newspapers, and the Internet, targeting Montana youth ages 12 -17. We reach 70-90% of that target audience three times a week with hard-hitting messaging."
Well fuck me, I'll say.
I'm walkin' across the stage!
Holy Bootleg, Batman!
UPDATE: This is real, but embedded videos using the GameTrailers player don't quite fit in my HTML template. So CLICK HERE to Check out this bootleg-as-hell copy of the first official teaser trailer for "The Dark Knight"!!! Rumour has it that Warner Bros. will be attaching the clip to next weekend' s new Harry Potter flick. Again, the quality's not great, but God, man: listen- just listen to that Heath Ledger Joker laugh. Simple, effective, awesome.
House Team Upset!
Whoa! Working Girls upset UCB house mainstays Omelette Vision (Michael Delaney, Billy Merritt and Andrew Secunda) at Cage Match last night with a score of 36-29! No small feat, that. However: have the ladies got the power to survive next week's triple threat of C, C + C Improv Factory? (We'll hope Chuck McMahon leaves the putter back on Blowjob Island.)
For you Cage Match Animal Division fans- (or just for anyone that thought ALF getting face fucked by a drunk wolf last week was straight classic), check out The Salami Bros., the online upstarts featuring Dan Black (aka. ALF). Really guys, it is about time we give KFed a fair chance.
Craptivity.
A few months back, the Out Of Home print ads for "Captivity" (opening July 13th) caused quite a stir. Well rest easy folks: After Dark films has chosen their battles wisely. (Drumroll, please.) From the uncredited director of "Super Mario Brothers" (and CREDITED director the upcoming "Finding t.A.t.U" and that Demi Moore "Scarlett Letter" where Hester Prynn ends up marrying Dimmesdale, awwww...) NOT TO MENTION from the writer of "Maniac Cop", "Maniac Cop 2", and "Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence" comes the HORROR EXPERIENCE OF A GENERATION.
(Apologies in advance. I don't think I've ever been so pissed off at movie I saw for free. I'll never write a review like this again, I promise. This is for me though. The vitriol is reeeealy fucking strong here. Massive spoilers.)
*ahem*:
SO ELISHA CUTHBERT IS A SORTA STUCK UP PARIS HILTONY FASHION BITCH WHO'S BUSY GETTING HER PICTURE TAKEN A LOT AND THEN SHE GOES TO A CLUB AND SOMEBODY MUST HAVE DRUGGED HER DRINK BECAUSE SHE WAKES UP IN THE BASEMENT FROM SAW AND A DUDE SHOWS HER SOME FUCKED UP VIDEOS AND THEN SAYS HE'S GONNA POUR ACID ON HER HER BUT HE DOESN'T AND SHE FREAKS AND BLACKS OUT. THEN SHE WAKES UP AND HE PUTS AN EAR AND AN EYEBALL IN A BLENDER AND PUTS A FUNNEL IN HER MOUTH AND MAKES HER DRINK IT AND THEN SHE BLACKS OUT. AND THEN SHE WAKES UP AND TRIES TO ESCAPE THROUGH A VENT BUT HE TAKES A SAW TO IT AND THERE'S SOME SPARKS AND THEN HE PUMPS GAS INTO THE VENT AND THEN SHE BLACKS OUT. AND THEN SHE WAKES UP IN A BOX AND THERE'S A CUTE BOY IN THE BOX NEXT TO HER AND THE BOY TRIES TO ESCAPE BUT THEN THE GUY IN THE CLOAK GASSES THEM BOTH AND THEY BLACK OUT. THEN THE ELISHA CUTHBERT GIRL WAKES UP IN A BOX THAT'S FILLING UP WITH SAND REALLY FAST AND THEY CUT TO AN HOUR GLASS (dude, heavy) AND THEN CUTE BOY RESCUES HER THROUGH AN AIR DUCT AND THEY END UP IN A GARAGE AND GET IN THE CAR THAT'S THERE BUT THEN THE CAR STARTS TO FILL UP WITH GAS AND THEY BLACK OUT. THEN SHE WAKES UP AND THE CLOAK DUDE SHOWS HER SOME FUCKED UP VIDEOS OF WHEN HE WAS A KID AND THE CUTE BOY SAYS SOMETHING BAD AND THE CLOAK DUDE PULLS OUT ONE OF HIS TEETH TO TEACH HIM A LESSON AND HE BLACKS OUT. THEN HE WAKES UP AND FUCKS ELISHA CUTHBERT AND THEY BOTH PASS OUT BECAUSE THEY JUST FUCKED. THEN THE CLOAK GUY SHOWS HER SOME MORE FUCKED UP VIDEOS OF WHEN HE WAS A KID AND OH MAN, HE HAD A BROTHER. THEN YOU SEE THE CUTE BOY CHILLAXING IN A KITCHEN WITH (dun dun duuuuunn:) THE CLOAK DUDE BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT HE WAS THE BROTHER FROM THE VIDEO THEY SHOWED (two fucking minutes ago) THE WHOLE TIME. ONCE THEY'VE ESTABLISHED THAT, IN THE SAME FIVE MINUTE SCENE CUTE BROTHER DECIDES TO KILL CLOAK BROTHER. (oh, and they reveal that Cloak brother was fat. Booo hisss.) THEN SOME COPS SHOW UP LOOKING FOR FAT BROTHER BUT CUTE BROTHER SAYS HE'S NOT THERE BUT THE COPS ARE SUSPICIOUS AND THEY COME IN AND CUTE BROTHER KILLS THEM!!! TWO COPS, YO! ICE COLD! THEN CUTE BROTHER WAKES UP THE FASHION BITCH (who had passed out) AND TRIES THE ACT LIKE HE WAS THE HERO AND KILLED ALL THE KILLERS (two cops & fat brother) BUT SHE FIGURES IT OUT AND THEN THEY CHASE EACH OTHER THROUGH THE SAW BASEMENT AND CUTE BROTHER FORGETS HOW THE BASEMENT IS LAID OUT ANS SHE FINDS A SHOTGUN AND KILLS HIM AND SHE WALKS AWAY DOWN THE STREET.
*pant*
/am.fm.pm/ will take the time to dissect Eli Roth because we respect Eli Roth. Shit though, man, at least when Wes Craven pulled this nonsense he could afford Matthew Lillard. Oh yeah, and somewhere in there, Cloak Guy kills a puppy. No joke. And to the kid that played flashback Cloak Guy in the old-timey video: Nice "Lords of Dogtown" hair, dick. You look like an Old Navy ad. (<- That was unnecessary.) I'm spent.
vs. NBC pt. 3
The NBC fall pickup take down continues with "Chuck" or, "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes To His 'Alias' Audition". The pilot, directed by "Fastlane" creator McG and written by "The OC" creator Josh Schwartz sets up the story of an affable slacker accidentally endowed with a lifetime of government secrets by his CIA-employed former college roommate. Let's get it on.
CONS: RIDICULOUS overuse of that Teddybears song "Cobrastyle"; Furthering the career of a man that refers to himself as "McG" (though I do understand the limitations in making a name like Joseph McGinty Nichol sound cool.)
PROS: Mop-topped Zachary Levi is very watchable as the titular vessel, and the cast as a whole appears intent on not taking the show's ultimately silly premise too seriously.
FINAL VERDICT: Electrifying action sequences and the best special effects work of any of the peacock's '07 slate, no doubt. Biggest problem: the show lacks any real consistency of voice. Script helmer Schwartz has shown us his ability to deftly balance knowing humor and straight-up melodrama in the past- (at least for the first two seasons of "The OC"). One-off jokes about Chuck's employment (he's a VW Bug-driving member of the 'Nerd Herd' at thinly veiled Best Buy clone 'Buy More') work well, but the protagonist's dopey good nature fails to draw expected laughs when juxtaposed against the shadowy government operatives trying to reign him in. The feeling isn't Odd-Couple madcap, just plain uncomfortable. The cast is likable enough, but the complaint can be made across the board that "hassled" isn't exactly a strong character ethos. NBC has a promising premiere in "Chuck", but if it fails to focus it's emotional tug, then all Jeff Zucker has on his hands is "Jake 2.0"... 2.0.
I Would Buy 4 U
"xquisite. mysterious. xotic. 3121: A kaleidoscopic bouquet of rich florals." 3121 is, of course, the new Prince branded perfume, sharing a name with both his most recent album, and the address of his Los Angeles mansion. (Apparently, painting numbers on your mansion's xterior makes that your real address.)
The fragrance, to be released next weekend -(7/7/07, as Prince commands only SEXY fragrance release dates) will donate a percentage of all profits to a series of charities selected by Prince and Revelations Perfume. How big a percentage? Seven percent of course, as Prince also commands only the sexiest tax write offs. I rag in good humor, as I do like Prince, but this has to be the most ridiculous press release quote I've ever heard.
"'Purple will Reign' on 07/07/07 with a 24 hour online charity event and a surprise performance by Prince. The charity event will kick off at 12am on 07/07/07 when the perfume will be available for purchase Xclusively at www.3121perfume.com/. The 30 ml bottle of 3121 will retail for $31.21 with 7% of each sale being divided between 7 charities chosen by Prince and Revelations. This event promises to be huge as Prince fans worldwide will be able to participate in this Xclusive offer."
How many times do you think some poor intern (Princetern?) had to hit "ignore" in MS Word to skip over the variations on "Xclusive"? As temped as I am to purchase, I'll hold out for a cooler tie in. (Baskin Robbins' 3121 Flavors?) Either way, something tells me I'm gonna feel plenty wrong getting turned on by a girl that smells like Prince.
So, do you think it's going to be Gene Shalit or Peter Travers that first publishes the phrase "Iron-MANIA!!!"?
Paramount and Marvel Studios have launched the first (in what will most likely become a series) of teaser sites for the '08 Iron Man picture, StarkIronWorks.com. The best part is, everytime you refresh your browser, the IronWorks logo slowly deteriorates to reveal an image underneath...
...or not. Really though, I'm psyched as hell for this. I'll bet good money that somehow this movie makes Peter Travers "Laugh 'till It Hurts!"?
Dick in a Box, pt. 2: Dick in a Cart.
We loves us some Criss Angel, ergo: (*ahem*) Bwaaah ha ha! (ThinkCrazy 576 via Digg):
"Criss Angel attempts to cause a moving object to vanish in front of a real live audience on top of a parking garage in Las Vegas. He speeds along the parking lot in a go-kart towards men with fire extinguishers. They discharge the CO2 creating a cloud of smoke into which Criss vanishes. Pretty impressive, however due to a mistake in a camera angle, and the wonderful technology of cable TV recording devices, slow motion reveals his secret." (FULL STORY HERE)
What a turd. And as many people will say "well of course it's not real, it's just cool to watch and figure out how he did it", I counter that lame magic is made no cooler by the mere inclusion of a Go-Kart.
MIND EXPLOSION.
Blond English Girls With Ghetto Names, You Know What I'm Saying?
Wow! What an insanely catchy track. The band's The Pipettes, the single is called "You Kisses are Wasted on Me", and in true /am.fm.pm/ fashion, we're a few steps behind. This EP's been floating around for a while now, really catching fire after a well received set at this year's SXSW festival. And trust me: at this point it's gonna take a whole lot to get me excited about another British female retro-pop outfit. (Legit though, it's awesome. LISSIN.)
Sure, Amy Winehouse gets instant props for the Ghostface & Pharoahe Monch remixes and all, but here's the thing: last night, after Subterranean, MTV2 played some in-studio Winehouse acoustic set- The thing didn't hold up one bit, and it really drove home for me that her latest album is, first and foremost, an exercise for Mark Ronson to flaunt his soul-throwback production skills. Not to mention, I get this feeling that "Rehab" is gonna become some new bullshit bad-grrrl sorority anthem; a karaoke standard to stand alongside Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" if you will. Oh, and another thing: I'm done listening to dumb Brooklyn girls with shitty tattoos talking about how hot Amy Winehouse is. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN
Work it Better!
Whoa! First official screengrab from the video for Kanye's upcoming "Stronger", featuring the Daft Punk Robots! (via Stereogum.)
There's one more pic over there, but it's just West in front of a bunch of lasers. Lasers are cool and all (best school photo backgrounds ever), Robots are way the hell cooler.
Daft Punk "Human After All (Justice Remix)" (mp3)
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vs.NBC pt. 2
"Life" is a heartwarming yuk-a-minute sitcom based of the classic Eddie Murphy/Martin Lawrence maudlin romp of the same name. Kidding. No, this "Life" is the big winner of the scant handfull of new NBC Pilots- 4 new Dramas, 1 new reality show this fall. That's it. Round two: FIGHT.
CONS: Working hardest against the show's success: it's good. Secondly, in the post- "Monk"/"House" landscape of primetime dramas, we've seen this model fail before; a show's dramatic arc anchored solely on the weight of it's sardonic, tortured male lead. (See Stanley Tucci's "3Lbs", Jeff Goldblum's "Raines", et al.)
PROS: Having said that, one of the show's greatest strengths is simply the fact that you don't recognize Damian Lewis (Soames from Masterpiece Theatre's "The Forsyte Saga") as protagonist Charlie Crews- Lewis isn't one of those Shalloub/Laurie level recognizable character actors. Also, I like to think that the main character might be related to Xander Crews.
FINAL VERDICT: The pilot sells itself well: Crews is an LAPD detective, framed and falsely imprisoned for misconduct by an ambiguous cabal of his superiors. 12 years later he is cleared of all charges, and awarded a huge cash settlement from the State. Bored, Crews chooses to rejoin the force, a smart, angry rabblerouser. Totally implausible, totally engrossing, and above all else, fucking fun. Big ups. Godspeed, little show, Godspeed.
AdTastic!
I know, I know: embedding an ad is creepy. For the most part, viral marketing gives me the willies all together- (save maybe Interference Inc, check out their awesome LeTigre campaign.) What can I say though, I'm an unapologetic Bruce Campbell fan.
Having said that, big ups to creative directors Monica Taylor and Mark Fitzloff of Wieden + Kennedy for their "Hungry Like the Bruce" spot. Directed by the enigmatic Perlorian Brothers, the :60 edit (above) is one of the classier, more subtle male brand integrations I've seen in a while. (You hear me TAG Body Spray?)
The umpteenth reason Favreau's Iron Man will kick ass.
YES YES YES. AWSOME. YES. Cool. Too bad every comic forum fan boy just got another excuse to make a Hasslehoff joke. Everybody knows the BEST made for TV comic movie was Generation X, if only for topless Jubilee in the UK edit. *snort* "Ultimates" totally rules.
UPDATED: Entertainment Weekly's got the exclusive on the first official cast photo: mint as hell.
Do not pass Go, Do not cross the William Morris Agency.
Ridley Scott (Gladiator, Legend) is now attached to direct a feature film based on Parker Brothers classic board game Monopoly. With names like Scarlett Johansson & Kirsten Dunst already swarming about, the project, developed in house at the William Morris Agency, could just be the sexiest madcap money romp since Rat Race! It'd be so good to see Dunst broaden her board game movie oeuvre, you know? And speaking of which, you know what'd sex this up like crazy? Wilford Brimley's diabetic Rich Uncle Penny Bags. You check your agency contract, Ridley, and you check it often.
vs.NBC pt. 1
Over this next week, /am.fm.pm/ will be giving a quickie once over to each of the new NBC fall pilots. First up? Time traveling (although apparently only to the late 80's and 90's) reporter drama Journeyman.
CONS: No joke: in the 45 minute first episode there are TEN (10!) ham fisted pop music cues. They are:
"This is Why I'm Hot" by MIMS
Some Nora Jones Song
"Get Out of my Dreams and Into My Car" by Billy Ocean
"Cable Car (Over My Head)" by the Fray
"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
"Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O' Connor (<- the most laughably used of the bunch.) "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews Band "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis That duet of "One" by U2 and Mary J. Blige.
PROS: The main character's played by Vorenus from HBO's superior-but-canceled Rome! And it's got Kellerman from Homicide!
FINAL VERDICT: Looks pretty, definitely a pupil of FOX's John Doe/Strange Luck/Harsh Realm storytelling school. Most comedies consisting only of pop culture references are starting to wear thin by now, a drama applying the same conceit fails pretty badly from the get go. Shit, at least the gang from Sliders had a reason to jump between universes. Lose the Jack FM Soundtrack. NEXT.
Really?
Wouldn't every show be WAY better if it was just like '24'?
Well thank God if you answered "Yes"- today, MySpace, in conjunction with Sony Pictures Television, has launched the dumbest media portal I've ever heard of: "The Minisode Network".
From the press release:
"The online network will feature episodes from SPT hit shows pared down to three-to-five minutes in length while still retaining the full story arc of each episode. The network will launch with three episodes each from 15 series. Among the shows available are classic hits Charlie’s Angels, Who’s The Boss?, Facts of Life and Starsky & Hutch."
You know, for people that can't be bothered to follow the opressive 22 minute plot of an actual episode of 'Facts of Life'.
"We are thrilled to be launching The Minisode Network, which will bring some of America's favorite television shows to a whole new audience in an interesting new format that's perfect for digital platforms," says Steve Mosko, president of SPT. "We've come up with an innovative formula to create quality short-form programming, showcasing the best of our extensive library."
Take for example, a favorite 'Facts of Life' episode of mine: The one where Jo can't afford a present for Mrs. Garrett's birthday, so she shoplifts one instead. Running time? 4 minutes, 33 seconds.
Uhhh... right. You know, people say the continued proliferation of media snack culture just isn't healthy. Pffbt. Unhealthy? I'll tell you what ain't healthy.
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THE SADDEST THING ANYWHERE, EVER.
From Classique Productions:
"Impersonators and celebrity impersonators can turn an Ordinary Event into Something Special!! There is no end to how the services of Celebrity Impersonators can be utilized All our impersonators are trained professionals. They stay "in Character" from beginning to end. To add to the appeal....if the celebrity in question is a singer...the impersonator (in almost every case) is a singer! If the celebrity is a dancer, the look-a-like is a dancer! If a particular costume is associated with the celebrity, the look-a-like wears a similar costume! WHAT FUN TO HAVE "STARS" AT YOUR EVENT at a fraction of the cost. Imagine your guests pleasure at being greeted by Marilyn Monroe or Elvis as they enter your function. As MEET AND GREET hosts and hostesses, Celebrity Look-a-Likes leave a memorable impression from the moment your guests arrive! As WALK AROUND GUESTS, celebrity look-a-likes mix and mingle with the guests, sign autographs and create an ambience that otherwise would be impossible. Have a camera ready...let your guests pose for photos with their favorite "STAR". What a great memento! If your event is an awards ceremony, set it up like the Oscars. "Stars" can be your AWARD PRESENTERS as well as your talent for the evening! Most of our "Celebrities" are truly entertainers in their own right and are available to do a LIVE PERFORMANCE at your function. Some work with background tapes, some with entire bands and some with either. Some can even arrive and work with the band you have booked for the evening. This means MORE BANG FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT DOLLAR!"
And by bang for your entertainment dollar, we mean drunk Humphrey Bogart getting violent towards Shelly Duvall. Why not, though? All your favorites are here! Kevin Spacey! Mel Gibson! David Duchovny! Doctor Evil! The American Idol cast! And Four Different Princes! So hey, for your next get together, remember Classique Productions!
Why, you could even book English sitcom sensation "Mr. Beans"!
.
Boooooo.
Shit. In case you haven't heard, Kellogg's cereal company announced this past week that, in conjunction with the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, the Battle Creek based biz will be phasing out key cereal spokes-cartoons. First to the chopping block? Froot Loops' Toucan Sam and Dig 'Em, the Smacks frog. Is there anything fat kids can't ruin? Just as I never knew that propeller beanie thing on the Quisp box, and used to tease my Dad about my family being weird and poor when he brought home Maypo, I guess my eventual children will never really love Froot Loops & Smacks the way that I did, sorta like how I imagine a parent can never really love an adopted child as much as their own, right? Hell, even at that they used to be called Sugar Smacks.
Big ups to The Imaginary World, host to an aces archive of old cereal box cover art scans. Sam, keep following your nose. You crazy son. And Dig 'Em, well... we're all a little worried about you. I'm gonna go eat cereal and listen and to Don Henley. Damn fat kids. Marky? I want my Maypo.
Sure, the man touched a few children, but he's a great entertainer. He's entertained us for years.
CONFESSION: I really can't escape the ubiquitous jam of Justice's "D.A.N.C.E." right now. The video, above, is in heavy rotation for me on the YouTubes. I want every one of those damn shirts. Really though, what's been hanging me up these last few days are how sincerely respectful the Jackson lyrical nods in the track are.
Justice "D.A.N.C.E." - mp3
Two summers back, Action Jackson was cleared of all charges in his sexual abuse case. Between Justice and Sonny Jim giving sonic props this summer, it would seem that all is forgiven, if only on the dancefloor. We'll do the same. So, yo yo yo: /am.fm.pm/ presents nine solid Jackson mashes, a little MJ, a little 5ive, and a whole lot of new hotness summer jams. A little heavy on "I Want You Back, but admit it, that's your favorite one.
Big Bad Baz "I Want Your Wonderwall" (vs. Oasis) - mp3 (<- Highly Recommended.)
DJ Moule "Rebel Boogie" (vs. David Bowie) - mp3
Go Home Productions "Daytrip To Neverland" (MJ vs. Beatles) - mp3
Ben Double M "I Want Your Digital Love" (vs. Daft Punk) - mp3 (<-Highly Recommended.)
CCC "Isn't She Lovely?" - (MJ vs. Stevie Wonder) mp3
Bobby Martini "Ain't No Other Man Till You Get Enough" - (MJ vs. Christina Aguilera) mp3
Ben Double M "Thriller Underground" (MJ vs. Jamiroquai) mp3
Go Home Productions "Jacko Under Pressure" (MJ vs. Queen) mp3
??? "Smooth Strokes" (MJ vs. Strokes) mp3
You devilish.
The Potato Tattoo.
So, in recent conversation with my friend Georgia, she'd dropped a ridiculous reference from my childhood: the Wayside School book series by Louis Sachar. To be honest with you, because I'm a weirdo, the first thing that popped in my head was, "oh shit, I wonder how much the TV options for those books are...". Over the course of three brief chapter books, Sachar crafted an incredibly rich, funny, and real group of characters- really, this could be your Arrested Development for kids. Natch, I was crazy pissed when I quickly found out that an animated series titled "Wayside" will be showing up on Nickelodeon this fall. Fuck.
Still though, this story has a happy ending: For starters, the show is being run by a cat named John Derevlany, formerly of Michael Moore's 'TV Nation'. Second, in the 'Wayside' pilot that aired last fall an Canada's Teletoon network, Todd- (who for the TV show assumes the transfer student role of the book's Benjamin Nushmutt/Mark Miller) was voiced by Michael Cera. Awesome casting. Cera didn't stick for the full series, which you can't blame him for what with all the Judd Apatow love and all.
Sidebar: How is it that you just fucking know that Superbad is gonna blow Hotrod out of the water this August? No, really: Hotrod is going to serve as a serious benchmark for overall profitability of the YouTube phenomenon. Even Chris Anderson's 'The Long Tail' took a minute to dissect the implications of The Lonely Island crew on digital media. How far can you really take shitty-on-purpose comedy? ANYWAYS.
Why do I always do that? I lost my train of thought... whatever. Wayside's the shit.
Here We Go.
A trailer has been released for Paul Thomas Anderson's latest, 'There Will Be Blood', based on agitprop master Upton Sinclair's novel 'Oil!'. Fucking yikes.
Na na na na na na na na Leader!
Leader! Batman! I mean, Leader! Much Dark Knight news in these last 24 hours, as the nerd conglomerate dissects the new Batman costume, showcased in this week's issue of TW's Entertainment Weekly (Available here.) I've gotta say though, I was most excited by a reportedly fake pic of the Joker's car, still available @ filmick. 
Watching that Joker jalopy go against Nolan's diesel-ass Batmobile would look like a Twisted Metal level. In fact, I dare say that this gives the previous coolest Joker car ever a run for it's money- the 1989 Batman Micro Machines edition. Nember dat? Check out the Unofficial Micro Machines Museum for more.
Yeah, he's a professor. OF BEING A DOG. Face!
...and talks about it one full week after it's been properly released. I came down with a case of the lazies. The film opened at number 6 this past weekend, raking in $8,203,391 across 2350 screens. Not bad, considering that three days deep Lionsgate nearly recouped their prodcution budget of 10.2 million. Horror is traditionally a high DVD traffic genre anyways.
Eli Roth's Hostel films- "the new Quentin Tarantino movie!" to dumbasses, are some of the most divisive horror films in recent memory. Not so much in the "that was/wasn't scary" way, but in the "films like this should/shouldn't exist at all" way. For weeks now, the message boards over @ AICN have been deluged by debate over the merits of "torture porn", a phrase coined by New York Magazine's David Edelstein.
Roth himself has said he feels no real negativity attached to the frequent branding of his work as torture porn- "...As long as people see it as a sub-genre of horror and not a sub-genre of pornography", he's quick to clarify. "When the term first came out it was basically saying it was a sub-genre of pornography. I really think it's the violence in these movies that blinds people to the intelligence behind it... It's like any of these movies, like DAWN OF THE DEAD. The violence blinded people, and 30 years later they see it as an allegory for America cannibalizing itself and becoming one big shopping mall and people becoming these mindless consumers. I think it's an easy way to categorize and classify things. That's what you can't do even if you look at Cabin Fever or Hostel. People will say, It was totally inconsistent. Yeah, that's the tone I like. I like mixing it up and taking pieces of different things."
Now, there's no doubt that Hostel II holds claim to the most brilliant horror teaser poster ever- but there's got to be more to it, right? Not necessarily, unless of course "more to it" means Dawn Weiner getting her throat slit to be used as a sanguine showerhead. I adored Cabin Fever, inconsistencies and all- (Pancakes!)- and the film still holds up well on DVD, particularly with the directors phenomenal commentary. Roth's clearly an intelligent guy, but it's been interesting watching the path he's taken in comparisson to other early aughts new-school horror auters Richard Kelley (Donnie Darko, the upcoming Southland Tales) and Lucky McKee (May, The Woods).
"That's what drove people crazy about Donnie Darko", Roth defends. "They didn't know what shelf to put it on in the video store. Is it science fiction? Is it drama? Is it horror? Is it mystery? What is that film? It's a beautiful film... Obviously I was going for scares and gore, but it's amazing that when you have that level of violence in your film, people automatically discredit you."
Therein lies the director's problem, though: Going for scares and gore is fine, but let's not confuse fear with revulsion. There is simply no sense of doom in Hostel II, no tension, no foreboding- it's all splatter without an emotional anchor. Roth's unchecked directorial masturbation is just that: a quick thrill, instant release. And, just like jerking off, he's the only one getting any pleasure from it- to say nothing of the fact that it makes me hugely uncomfortable to watch.
Did I Ever Tell You About the Time...
Paul Fierlinger, creator & animator of retro Sesame Street staple 'Teeny Little Super Guy', has been producing content for PBS since 1971. There's no reason for this post really, I've just been laughing like hell since just getting off the phone with a Perry Television rep that sounded JUST like Teeny Little Super Guy.
Teeny Little Super Guy Theme Song (mp3)
Sidebar, big ups to the Sesame Street Sound Archive, a killer database of old school Children's Television Workshop songs. Say, now that it's called "Sesame Workshop", does the Sesame Street sign still have that little "CTW" above it? Hmm. Whatevs. Respect to Boombox Bert.
Death to FutureSexLoveSounds! Long Live the New Flesh!
So, Timberlake dropped his latest music video today- it's for the single "LoveStoned/I Think that She Knows."
Honestly, I don't mind the track once it hits the 3:10 mark. It's a nice novelty to hear Timbaland actually play with, you know, MELODY. (Melody that you didn't steal. Please get back together with Missy. That is all.) Thing is though, this is nearly identical to the Elliot Jokelson's 2003 video for TV on the Radio's Staring at the Sun.
Boooo Justin Timberlake. My question is how did he and Tunde Adebimpe get sucked into Videodrome?
Justin Timberlake "Dude, the song's not that bad, c'mon, give it a try, the breakdown is great" (mp3)
The Tom Waits Mixtape.
Goddammit, Tom Waits is so fucking great. Today in Manhattan, for the second time in recent memory, it did that "holy-shit-Galactus-is-here" black sky before pouring- meaning that this is the soundtrack tonight. /am.fm.pm/ is pleased to present you with the Tom Waits mixtape, eleven essential tracks. I admit it pulls a little heavy from Small Change, but that's my favorite album. Suck it. Click the song title for the mp3. If you only want to listen to two songs, listen to tracks 1, 2, and 10. For a decent sampler, listen to them all. Full source albums available in the parent directories.
1. Small Change (Got rained on with his own .38) (from Small Change)
2. Emotional Weather Report (from Nighthawks at the Diner)
3. Clap Hands (from Rain Dogs)
4. Goin' Out West (from Bone Machine)
5. Big in Japan (from Mule Variations)
6. Step Right Up (Small Change)
7. Downtown Train (Rain Dogs)
8. Hang on St. Christopher (from Frank's Wild Years)
9. Warm Beer and Cold Women (Nighthawks at the Diner)
10. Bad Liver and a Broken Heart (in Lowell) (Small Change)
11. I Can't Wait to Get Off Work (And See My Baby) (Small Change)
Meanwhile, somewhere in California...
Can't Stop Moving!
Expect to hear much this summer about Rough Trade label artist Sonny Jim, and bask in the undeniable pop pleasure of his infectious new single "Can't Stop Moving!". Much respect for Jackson 5ive samples, and to the aces video (above) which pits the song against clips from Rankin-Bass' Jackson 5ive animated series.
Let's all try to enjoy this before it's used in a Target commercial.
Sonny Jim "Can't Stop Moving!" (mp3) @ Good Weather for Airstrikes.
Mustache!
Jackson Publick, creator of The Venture Bros, runs a pretty great Livejournal, Publick Nuisance. Needless to say, Publick is a pseudonym- for former comic and animation storyboard artist Christopher McCulloch.
Back in the day, he handled art & story on one of NEC's first Tick spinoff series- the phenomenal Karma Tornado- while creator Ben Edlund focused on the FOX animated series based on his book. After providing some character designs for the show, McCulloch was called in to write for the series late into it's second season. Chris was responsible for one the series' best episodes, Season 3's premiere "That Mustache Feelin!". Featuring Special Agent Jim Rage and the ladies of S.H.A.V.E., it's a phenomenal example the of comic book savvy comedy his Venture Bros. venture is revered for. WATCH.
OH SNAP, SON!: Double Bonus! Venture Bros. Season One ends (spoiler) with the incarceration of The Monarch. He was allowed two phone calls upon arrest. Copies of these private calls are available below.
The Monarch Calls Doctor Girlfriend From Prison (mp3)
The Monarch Calls No. 24 and No. 21 From Prison (mp3)
Wow.
So, in case you haven't picked up on any of the AP buzz, the Brits are pretty pissed about the chosen logo for the 2012 Olympics which they'll be hosting.
Yikes. That's supposed to read "2012". People aren't responding well to the New-Rave look, but I'll call it even, due to NME inventing all this New Rave nonsense in the first place. This is the Olympics, after all. This is serious business, dammit. And I take you seriously, Olympic committee. You know, besides the fact that it looks like you're doing a press conference from the fucking Zoom set.
OMG DO IT PAUL RUDD DO IT.
So, the best/worst part of this is that Paul Rudd was born in 1969. SNES was released in 1993. That means Paul Rudd was like, 22/23 when this was filmed. You know what? I don't know why I said worst part. Seriously. Just out of AADA? Early 90's New York? Shiiiit, I hope this commercial got him crazy laid.
Dick in a Box.
A grim day here in New York City, Mindfreak and general douche-about-town Criss Angel has failed to die cased in a box of cement in Times Square. How fucking great is the A&E graphics department for making the "O" in the stunt's logo for "cement block" a block? And how's this for the worst "Live Blogging!" rundown of the day's events? Thing reads like a shitty Nu-Metal picture book. How did Angel do it? Grit? Determination? The P.O.D. discography? Resentment for his stepfather? Oh no.
"A solid can not pass through a solid...unless it was really liquid." Honest to God, that was his answer to that question AND HE'S NOT EVEN RETARDED.
Now I Ain't Sayin' He A Crate Digger,
Becaue he's really just a bland producer. Get down girl, gwan' head get down. Kanye West's new single "Stronger" has leaked online- a dodgy quality radio stream. The track samples am.fm.pm faves Daft Punk's 2001 single "Harder Better Faster Stronger". For the sake of embedding:
Goddammit Kanye West. Two things. One, "H.B.F.S." was already masterfully remixed by the Neptunes for 2003's "DaftClub" compilation. (You think twice before you fuck with little Skateboard P.) Number Two, Swizz Beatz already kick assedly (it's a word) sampled DaftPunk's "Technologic" for Busta Rhymes '06 hit "Touch It".
Busta Rhymes "Touch It" (mp3)
Best case scenario: we'll get another phoned in Hype Williams video, and he'll take the radio rip better that Jack White. THAT, Kanye, could drive a sane man bezerk. (Za Zing!)
Raaaaarrr.
I love my Hulk Hands. I love finding weird shit by back linking Google Image Search results. For an upcoming post about the rough cut of Hostel II I saw this evening, I'd done a search for "Kids"- and the above image showed up on the second page. Cute, right? Noticing that the parent directory was titled "Hulk", I checked it out- fucking awesome. This is a webpage entirely devoted to a man who happened to win an enormous inflatable Incredible Hulk in a contest. Really, I think the reason I dig the whole thing so much (beside the obvious awesomness), is that this guy is a big a dick about his giant inflatable Incredible Hulk as I know that I would be were I in his situation.
Also- big ups to XE for being the first non-ad result in a Google search for Hulk Hands. Nice.
Oh, you've got grey eyes.
am.fm.pm is one month and 50 posts deep today. In formal, cordial celebration: SLUT 2 SLUT SUMMER JAM CLAZZICS: the live Chemical Brothers edition.
The Chemical Bros - Live in Santiago Chile, 10/24/04. (Full album ZIP)
After downloading and unzipping the file, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD go right to track 10, a genius bit of mixing between the Brothers' seminal "Star Guitar", and New Order's "Tempation", a track everybody between the ages of 18 and 28 should know having heard the Trainspotting soundtrack at least once in their lives. Quick video sidebar: the video for 'Star Guitar', directed by Micheal Gondry, is phenomenal.
I'd recieved a few emails from people complaining about their inability to D/L and extract ZIP and RAR files- With that in mind, we'll do as we did for DJ Shadow: from the BBC, here's the Chemical Bros.' 1995 Essential Mix, available as one big, easy mp3.
The Chemical Brothers - Essential Mix 3/5/1995 (mp3)
Yes, I know the top image is from the "Galvanize" video, but that's good too.
3 X 3.
Derrick continues to dominate Cage Match, beating out Blackout last night with a score of 74 to 20! Next challenger: Jakijesu! That's Jackie Clarke, Jess Allen and Sue Galloway- (aka "Girl Writer".) Dramastical! Can three sassy skirts usurp our reigning three kings? I UNNO. Dude, check it out dude: new Derrick video.
Take a look at my hit single, it's the only one I've got.
Not much of a single- (it doesn't really take a lot.) Perennial whipping-boy label Fueled By Ramen is home to bands like Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco (<- even I feel like a piece of shit writing that exclamation point after 'panic'), Cobra Starship, and countless others from the ever-lame pages of Alternative Press.The label is also home to mall-girl "it" band of the moment Gym Class Heroes, whose song "Cupid's Chokehold" is slowly killing me inside. The song features a sample (though not really a sample because it's been resung by the sideburns guy from Fall Out Boy because nobody could afford rights clearance for it) of Supertramp's "Breakfast in America", from their album of the same name. It's fucking awful, and it's fucking cheating.
Now, why it's okay for Rihanna's Jew-thug producer Johnathan Rotem to lift the hook from Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" for last summer's smash "S.O.S" is beyond me, but it just IS, dammit. (Really, it boils down to the fact that anybody doing one of The Cheetah Girls is just aces in my book.) Go. Compare.
Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" (YouTube)
Supertramp "Breakfast in America" (mp3)
Rihanna "S.O.S." (mp3)
What's more depressing, the fact that "Cupid Chokehold" is huge, or the fact that Fueled by Ramen was founded by the dude from Less Than Jake?
